Torn Apart...

ok, so i'm sitting at my desk at work, comtemplating... i'm going to mexico at the end of april. and will be gone for about 12 days. i wasn't quite sure at first, but my dad said i should go. he said, "who knows when you'll be able to go on vacation by yourself. addie's still so young and she won't remember this"... which yes that is all true, but i still feel guilty. addie will be with my dad and her dad while i'm gone. i had talked to brad(addie's dad) and he said i shouldn't feel bad for wanting sometime for myself. he said that will give him more time with his daughter. again, yes that is true. but then i've been told i'm selfish. so i'm not sure how to feel? i want to be excited and have fun in mexico! but then part of me just wants to forget about it and pay steven back for half my ticket.(he bought half my ticket for my b-day; we leave a couple days after). also i'm sad that i'm taking my vacation and not spending any of that time with addie. i feel so torn with being a mom and being a girlfriend. it's so hard to do both.
somedays i just wanna crawl into bed and cry and not get back up...
i'm just not sure how or what to feel? or if i should continue with the mexico plans?

what's been going on...

Alright so it's been awhile...i get so busy and never have a lot of time to "blog". i get home from picking up my "lil princess" and it's dinner, play time, bath, relax, then off to bed...maybe one day i can get eveything done that i would like to?

I took addie to the children's musuem-she loved it! she loved the water works and the fishies! she wanted to run around like a wild one, but couldn't let her run too far. i was hoping to do some face painting with her, but she got so tired and cranky it didn't happen. it was fun to watch her explore -i can't believe how big she's getting?!

Back in February we all went to the beach. it was fun for addie to spend some time with her cousins and aunt and uncle! it was so cold that we bundled up the girls in their winter coats! noses were running, they were so cold! so needless to say we didn't spend too much time out on the beach! for the most part i think addie's 1st beach trip was fun!

Well steve and i are going on 8 months! *applause*! i sometimes wonder if we'll get married? but then who knows? i would love to get married one of these days...i'm almost 30. yikes?! did i just say/write "30"? holy cow, i am gettin up there! i would like to have another child or 2, but want to be married, this time around! i'm trying to figure things out and still lots to take in and think about...